The Worst Advice I Ever Got

I love my mom so much because of who she is and how she thinks. I actually, think she is brilliant, most days. There have been a few misses in her words of wisdom to me over the years. Those moments when she says something I am sure she will regret down the line, I have to tell you, are some of my favorite moments with my mom. Maybe it's my love of insanity, when completely normal, moral, thoughtful people lose their crap momentarily and say something horrendous at the exact precise moment that requires the complete opposite. I am not talking about hate speak, my mom does not have a single hateful thing about her. I am talking about word salad that makes its way into a conversation, when things are so screwed up the other person is nearly speechless, but comes up with some innocuous doozie that makes me laugh.
The doodle, a self portrait, by yours truly came from a time while I was going through my divorce living in an apartment with my kids, and my whole world was falling to pieces. I was working overtime, absolutely sleep deprived from working night shift, and finding myself embroiled in a do or die battle in the divorce proceedings. I was deep in the heart of Murphy, living his law to perfection. I was calling my mom a lot in those days, and nothing, absolutely nothing I said was hopeful, or happy or even completely sane. I would be crying one minute, angry the next, depressed five seconds later, all while my mom searched her brain for something she could say that would mean anything to me. Bless my mom's heart, with all she had heard, with everything she knew about my desperate situation, this is what came out of my loving mother's mouth,"Look, I know you are unhappy, but put a little lipstick on, fix your hair it will all be fine." Mouth agape, I hung up the phone and proceeded to laugh so hard I peed, just a little. O.K., so Ghandi she ain't, but I knew in that moment my life had gotten to be too much for mom too. She worried about what would happen to me, too. My expectations were to talk things out to her and for her to come up with some brilliant insight, which she was able to do at times, but she was also very connected to me and scared to death about what I was facing. I hadn't considered how my life falling apart was affecting her, even for a single second it had not occurred to me what it was like for her to watch the pain her child was in. Her horrible advice, which she laughs at now, was the time when I saw how ridiculous my expectations were, and the burden I put on my mom to try and stay objective. There was nothing objective about my life for my mom. Having kids who are now adults, I see exactly what she was going through. This delicious moment in time still makes me laugh. I relish these crazy idiosyncratic snippets of our relationship.
I confess, I didn't do what my mom said to do, for fear that my scribbling all over my face from pure frustration would alert some to consider having me put away, however, she wasn't all wrong. Over a period of time, I really did start taking better care of myself. I did start wearing make-up again, my crying had ebbed to a slow stream, versus the rushing rivers I had when I first separated from Danny. I really did get my hair done. Mind you it was at the salon school for half price, but I did make an effort to try and act like a normal person, once again.
Nothing happened in the immediate to change my doomed perspective on what my life had become. What I learned from my mom from the worst advice I ever got was, things did get better. I eventually became happy again. Time, although it didn't heal everything, had done a lovely job of closing my open wounds. So should you just put a little lipstick on and try to feel better? Yeah, I guess it couldn't hurt, but stay away from shaving your legs for awhile. Sharp objects for those who are going through a bad time in their life is definitely not a good idea.