Putting On My Helmet

I am getting ready for my newest project, writing my book in real time here on my blog. After I made my announcement, my best friend said I was courageous. Naturally, being the reigning queen of all Dorkdom, I hadn't considered myself courageous. I hadn't really considered a lot of things. I wanted a solution to my ever growing amount of stuff, but never considered it might be a little crazy to put unedited work up on line for the world to see. "Look Ma no hands, no feet, no editor!" It tell my kids all the time, "Life is hard, wear a helmet." Today I am putting on helmet. The chin strap hides at least 2 of my chins.
If anyone can pull off wearing my dress tucked into my pantyhose , it's me. It's not really because I am so brave, it's more about how comfortable I am being a dork. You know how some people will state with great conviction, "Failure is not an option!" They have confidence, charisma, a bounty of hutzpah. Yeah, I am not that kind of person. Although, failure is my least favorite option, I have heard the word "no" and fallen on my face, backside and every part enough to know failure will not kill me. It might ruffle me up leaving large dents and bruises, but it will never kill me, unless of course, I am sky diving. I tell my kids, "Be the dork". Tryingto hide one's dorkiness can suck up an entire of life.
Even though this could potentially bite me in the butt, I have to tell you, I am so excited about doing it. I am also a tiny bit stressed that I have put such a deadline on myself. Usually when I write I have all the time I want to drag my feet, putter around the house and procrastinate, procrastinate, procrastinate! Now, if I want my word to mean anything at all, I have to do what I have declared. I momentarily thought about tweeting the book 140 characters everyday, so I would allow myself my screwing around time. It would probably take my life time to get it all done, but look at the amount procrastinating I could accomplish.
I have to give up my personal page on facebook, too. I thought long and hard about that one. While I have over 500 friends, I have only over 100 people liking my author page. But the truth is, this will take uncounted hours to put the book online, and I can't trust myself to stay of FB long enough to get my work done. Some may view gazing at pictures of bunnies my friend, photographer Joy Cobb took as time wasting, but I like to think of it as art appreciation, getting my culture fix on.
Bottom line, I need to focus. I was once called hyper active, now referred to as ADD, when I was in about 8th grade. It was my history teacher that called my parents in, telling me he had suggested they medicate me (turns out the coward never actually told my parents that). I remember how he stood over my then small frame screaming about how destructive I was, how stupid I was, how I was a ring leader for those who disrespected him. I now know what an ass he was. He was a bad teacher and his students were bored. For years I thought there was something horribly wrong with me because of this small minded buffoon. Here is what I discovered...I am an out of the box thinker, I am smart, and yes, I am different, just like everyone, I have my own unique quirks and foibles, but I am not broken like he yelled. My organization comes from me sitting down making a list on paper. I carry my lists around with me. I also have binders for my paper or creative stuff. As a writer, I am visual in nature when it comes to work. As a writer, I write what I need.
So today, I have to sit down with paper and pen in hand and list out everything I need in order to make all this work. I want so desperately for this to go well, but if it looks like I am starting to swirl around the bowl, then I will write my Plan B.
I am so very excited about this. When the idea came up and I went to my counsel of elders about it, I was already making plans for it to go full throttle. Like a juried piece of art, I waited for the judges to come back with their critique. So far everybody is 100% on board.
Since I made the announcement via social network, I have the urge to go out, stocking up on blue books and number two pencils. I am not sure why that is, but it is like when I was taking the ACT to get into college. It would be great if some editor found my work through this blog and decided to give me my shot. I think, just having the possibility, allows me this giddy feeling of Christmas morning. It is not my intention to do this for anyone else except me and you. This is more about our relationship, than anyone else. If something great comes out of it, well, won't that just be the cherry on top of an already sweet sundae!
For the next couple of weeks, or few days, actually, I will be on here promoting the new book. I will be list making, organizing and getting ready for what I think will be my most difficult job, but most rewarding, too.
The book as it is being written, in real time, will be out of sequence. The finished published project will be as perfected as possible, but on here I will be writing whatever it is I need to work on without regard to sequence or table of contents. My mind doesn't think in order, so you will be on my roller coaster, seeing where I go day to day when I write. Some days it takes me hours just to get to the point of the story. I will try and watch that some, but this will be more about what the book looks like as abstract art. The stories will have organization, but it will be published here however it goes.
Just sitting here with my coffee, thinking about this makes me happy. I couldn't have imagined 15 years ago I would ever have an opportunity like this. I could not have even begun to contemplate what it would feel like to be so in love with your job, you create work for yourself that will suck up 15 hour days, and you don't mind.
I do not have words for how many times I have sat in my writing chair, thinking how magnificent all this is.
Well, I am off to outline what I need to do, organize the 228 spiral notebooks I have with the chapters, and get some number two pencils. I don't really need the pencils, but now I think it would be great just have some sharpened ones around for good luck.