You've Got a Friend

I have been distracted lately, so writing has gotten difficult for me the past few days. Usually, the words pour out of me like water from a faucet, but recently, I notice I am having a much more difficult time. Whom shall I spot light today? I wondered to myself. There I was rattling around in my own head when it occurred to me that maybe I was trying too hard. Maybe, just maybe the answer was right in front of me and I was "over thinking" it. It wouldn't be the first time that has happened. Matter of fact, I tend to do that more often than not. I took several deep breaths and allowed my mind to wander and think of all the people I admire and would want to highlight. My answer was as obvious as the nose on my face, which is not at all hard to spot.
Today I want to write about friends. The people I admire the most are my friends. My friends and I am certain, yours too, are the people we depend on the most, trust with our darkest secrets and allow our hearts to accept, warts and all. My best friends are amazing people with incredible lives made up of resiliency, passion and intelligence. My friends have changed my life in every way imaginable. They are my family by choice. They are the ones who have talked me off the ledge when things got really bad. They showed me unconditional love and forgiveness when I was deserving of neither. They are the strongest threads that have held my life together creating a rich tapestry that I am in awe of every day of my life.
I think we are all guilty of taking our family for granted, that they will love us and be with us no matter what we do or where we end up, but friends have the choice and the ability to walk away when we fail miserably, act out or fall apart. Mine have been there for me every step of the way. Mine have held my hand, allowed me to cry from the depths of my soul and confessed their own horrifying actions in order for to learn from their experiences in order to spare me any unnecessary pain, if possible. My friends have traveled the world, seen unbelievable pain and triumph and shared these moments with me due to their generous nature. Friends are what keep us going when we feel the entire world is on our shoulders.
I feel so lucky to have my friends for all these years. I have known most of them either all of my life or most of my life. My friends accept exactly who I am with no expectations forced onto me to become something different. They celebrate me in a way that allows me to see myself through their eyes. It is the greatest gift I have ever been given. They have acted as minister, counselor, cheerleader, parent, child and conscience. They motivate me to be a better person, pushing me to be mindful that the work is over the moment I take my last breath and not one minute before. If it is true that my family is my foundation, then truly these friends of mine are my walls and roof, sheltering me from the cold. They have protected and guarded me many, many times and there are not enough "thank yous" to express how important they have been to my life and the lives of my children. I never questioned if something were to happen to me whether or not they would step up and do the important job of teaching my kids in my stead. I have always known that if I were no longer around , my kids would have remarkable people to help them in any way they could. Here or not, my kids would have learned about their mother and her morals, ethics and beliefs, thanks to her band of friends she held tightly in her heart.
When Danny died I realized how important it was to say what needed to be said to the people we love. I have worked diligently at telling people in my life, "Thank you, I love you, I couldn't have done it without you", because we never know when we won't have that opportunity again. My friends know how important they are to me because I tell them as often as I can. Not everybody gets to write a book naming their friends. I have been so fortunate to have that. For all my faults, and listen, we don't have the kind of time it would take to list all of them, the one thing I am most proud of is the change I made in telling people I love, just how much I appreciate all they have done for me and my family.
In that spirit, I think today we should tell our friends just exactly how grateful we are to have them. Call your friends just to say "I love you, thank you, you mean the world to me". Spend a moment and think about all the times your friends were there for you, even when they may have not known that their phone call changed your entire day. Send a note, card or flowers. Let them know that you are so very happy that they chose you.
To Christy, Bitsy, Shelly, Jerry and Jim: Thank you for all the days and nights when I felt alone and you reminded me that I was loved whether I felt it or not. For all the times you made me laugh when I had spent much of the day crying, for every time you reminded me that nothing is forever and I could be anything I wanted. For believing in me when I had all but given up. For spending time with my children showing them first hand what a real friend looks and acts like and for teaching them loyalty, honor and love. For choosing me to love. It has been an honor and a privilege being in your lives all these years.
To my hometown friends who I have recently gotten back: thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the love and support you shot my way as I start this new leg of my journey. For forgiving my childish past and applauding my adult growth. For every FB gift, comment and joke. For being my connection to my past in a way that allows me to continue growing, learning and laughing.
To my very best friend and husband Michael: Thank you for every time you propped me up, so I could be a better mother, woman, wife and friend. For loving me so much you made me a part of your family. For telling me everyday without hesitation how much you love me and celebrating who I am in whatever state I happen to be in. I love you more than words allow.
If you are reading this, then you and I are on this journey together. If you need a hug or some support or even a little prayer, just say the word and know I have your back.

God Bless Us Everyone

I am a little late doing this blog. I usually have it up and done by early Sunday morning, but my family is with me and I found myself strapped for time. My parents travelled 1200 miles to be with Michael, the kids and me. They try and make this drive every year. Every year, I patiently wait for their arrival. I miss my folks so much, now that we live so very far away.

My parents and I are diametrically opposed when it comes to politics and argue often about the correct course of action of our beloved country. The one thing we can agree on is we live in the most generous country on earth.

So, today's folks that we will pay tribute to are the middle Americans, who as George Baily put it,"do the working, the living and the dying in this town". It is the middle class that supports the country in their efforts to stay afloat as the best place to live, the protectors of freedom, and the community that takes care of their own. It is the middle class that do the dangerous jobs, be it police, firemen or factory workers, they lay their lives on the line for the job and for the people of this great nation.

I am a bonafide flag waver. I have been to enough foreign countries to know how lucky we are to have a place where we can believe what we want, say what we want and vote for whomever we please. I was raised in a small, factory town where the people of the town worked hard, played harder and loved deeply. My hometown was filled to the brim with middle class Americans, who were always the first to step up when they were needed. They were the ones who sacrificed for their families, their churches, their friends. I watched my entire childhood, as the adults lived the lives of generosity, charity and hard work. They lived by example, not having to lecture us on what was expected but, rather, quietly going about their business doing what was right and knowing that the pay off of their efforts was knowing the next generation would step up without even being asked. It was as it was. I honor the sacrifices I witnessed, by teaching my children to be charitable, generous with their time, talents and money when they can. I show them daily the right path to take in order to protect their family, their community and those who are unable to protect themselves. I live the life I was taught to live. I am a proud middle American.

It would be nearly impossible for us to honor every single middle class American, especially since most of us are middle Americans. So I will ask only this: Stop everyday this week and think a thought of gratitude for all that we have in this country. Even though we are currently in quite the pickle, we still have it better than any other country there is. Plus, we have each other. The strength of this country has never been about the politics or the leadership, but the people who run their lives everyday, defending and protecting the precious rights that our military lay down their lives for. Every morning, think for just a moment about all the folks going off to work to power plants, coal mines, hospitals, fire stations, police stations, office jobs, trucking jobs, grocery stores and post offices. Think about all the people that contribute to the strength of the fabric of the flag we wave everyday. The tapestry of our stars and stripes are made of the flesh and blood of the people who do the living and dying here in this country. I am in awe of the people who call themselves American. They are the ones who protect an idea of freedom with their every breath so we can live in the reality of it. I am blown away by the generosity of Americans who often live pay check to pay check and yet when needed during a crisis will give their only extra dollar for a good cause in order to help perfect strangers in need. It continues to amaze me every single day how kind people are to our most vulnerable populations.

We are Americans. We do it for no other reason than it is the right thing to do.

Rescue 911

We have all had a time in our lives when we have either witnessed or been on the receiving end of a rescue. Today I want to stop and write for a moment about those who put life and limb on the line, in order to save someone else's life.

The news is filled end to end with news of Haiti. Another mind numbing, catastrophic, natural disaster. The images coming in from the news is enough to put you to bed for a month. I can't wrap my brain around it. Only a year ago I was in the middle of the wrath of Hurricane Ike. I was numb, like everyone else down here from all the barrage of information of devastation of another community. We all knew someone who had been wiped out in one form or another. Before that, it was tsunami, and Katrina.

We as Americans will do what we always do. We will send billions of dollars and fly volunteers down to try and unearth what is left of an already devastated and impoverished nation. I watch the news as they interview professional rescue workers who flew down on a moments notice into a foreign land, that has no food, water or resources in order to help in any way possible. I can barely grasp the concept of cutting an injured person out of a car wreck here, where all the modern conveniences are at their finger tips, let alone flying with nothing but a passport and a few provisions. The bravery it takes to do that I personally feel, is nothing short of divine.

Having written that I ask this of all of you. For those of you who are the praying kind I ask that at 8pm EST we all light a candle and say a prayer for those who are sick, injured and working desperately to help those in need. For those who are not the praying kind, I ask that you take a moment of silence and send good wishes at 8pm EST, to those who need it most right now. It is a small gesture with the potential for big impact. What we focus our attention on gets bigger, and I think just sending out the vibe that we are all so grateful and humbled by the tireless efforts of those who spend their lives helping others is the perfect ending to a Sunday evening.

Ringing In Your Ears

This week we are going to focus on volunteers that help the homeless, feed the elderly and spend many hours giving of themselves to those who need help the most.

Like most fortunate folks, I have spent many hours of my life in service. Some of that time as a professional and some as a volunteer. I have been amazed in my forty six years as I have watched so many give so much. My parents were brilliant examples of giving time to those who required the help. They were my constant reminder that the world didn't revolve around me. Personally, I think it should have, but I get the point they were trying to make. In my book, "Advancing Backward", I write about the volunteers for the Salvation Army. Year after year at Christmas time, I would see folks ringing bells in freezing weather in order to help get donations for shelters, food and clothing. Providing basic care to those who are unable to provide for themselves seems so simple and yet takes a village to do it.

I remain awestruck by the generosity of my country and amount of Americans who spend their entire lives giving to others. I live in the most generous country on earth. It is unparalleled, the amount of compassion that pours from this country everyday.

Do you know someone who volunteers so much of their time that maybe they could use a hand, prayer, or a day off? Have you passed the same person day after day, as they spend theirs in service of others? Ask them about themselves. Tell them how fortunate we are to have them. Pray for them and the cause they support. Have you ever thanked the volunteer on the phone who calls for clothing donations? Most are volunteers and have to face a weary public, who may not realize they are merely trying to help the indigent. I thank each one, even when I am completely annoyed by the phone and unable to donate goods. I try and remember that people are trying to do the best they can in order to help in whatever way they have.

I ask that you take a moment and feel the gratitude for these people to your bones. We all hope we never become someone who requires that kind of help, but one never knows when that day will come, or if it will come. Be it at schools helping teachers, church helping children and the elderly, or standing ringing bells by a red bucket, these are the people that work diligently to keep our country the best place in the world to live. They are the reminders that Americans are all heart.

"Become the change you want to see"-Gandhi

This year I want to become better, work harder, think faster, listen more intently, see the smallest details and always, always, always remember that I have a purpose here and I get to choose what it is. I believe my purpose is as a writer. In that spirit, this new blog will be one of gratitude and remembrance. It will be a weekly reminder for all of us that we are the ones who can change lives, inspire hope and acknowledge miracles. We are the ones who can extend a hand out to those who might feel lost and empty, so that they know they are not alone. We are the ones who can actively promote gratitude for even the smallest kindness, simplest pleasure, pointing out how even a singular sunrise can change an entire perspective.

This blog will be produced once a week as a way to keep us all joined together in a place of love. Every week I will ask you to pray for, think kindly of, remember, or take action for a group of people , who might other wise go unnoticed. For the next 52 weeks we will acknowledge those who deserve our love, praise and appreciation. This is not a cause as much as it is a call to action, real action, not politically motivated action. How you answer is up to you. There are no "wrong" ways to extend gratitude and appreciation. Some of the best gifts I have ever gotten didn't cost a thing.

Today's group is single mothers. With a divorce rate rapidly approaching 60%, the number of single mothers out there are multiplying at an even higher rate to due relationships outside of marriage and the number of teenage pregnancies. The bottom line is single mothers are becoming more common than those who are and remain married. Regardless of any moral issues felt by the climbing statistics, the bigger issue is there are moms out there doing their best with little money and even smaller amounts of help. As frustrating as it is to raise kids with two parents, I want to take a moment and recognize those who are forced to do it alone. I obviously, have close ties to this group because of my own past. It is why they get to be number one on the hit parade. I should correct this and say I want the single fathers out there to be included into today's moment. There are men out there raising their kids alone. They are often forgotten even more than the women, for no other reason than there are so few of them.

I was embarrassed of my tiny salary as a single mother and unfortunately there were those folks who found great joy in my inability to provide more for my family. People introduced me as "the divorced one up the street". My job was on the line more than once because of sick children. My personal favorite was when women would circle around their husbands, as if I was going to kidnap them in the middle of a dinner party just so I could have a man of my very own. Eventually, I stopped hanging around married people,because I was looked down upon. Yes, it stinks! But here's the thing, we have the chance now to eliminate the stereo types, treat others respectfully and offer help in whatever way we can. Even if it's merely a compliment about how hard they trying, or a batch of cookies, or an extra car pool or a quiet prayer for their health and safety and the safety of their children.

Think! Do you know a single parent? Do you know of a parent who looks as though they are hanging by a thread? Have you passed the same person a hundred times and noticed that they always look as though they may fall apart right in front of the school they are dropping off their kids at?

Call to action! What CAN you do? It is never about money when we give of ourselves. Sometimes it may require currency, but chances are, it is simpler than that. Can you drive their kids to school one day to help them out? Can you make a dinner and deliver it, so they don't have to cook every night? Leave them clothes your older kids have outgrown? Trust me, that was one of the greatest gifts I ever got. Take a bouquet of home grown or grocery store flowers with a note that says, "I see how hard you work to raise your kids. You are an inspiration." If you see them at church, send them a note in the mail that says you are praying for them and hope this year brings happiness and continued good health to them. If it is not someone you have ever talked to, then say "Hi" and pray for them at home. Maybe in time, ask them to go out for a cup of coffee and then treat. Remember, we have a week starting Sunday, January 3, 2010. Next Sunday will start a new week and a new group.

OK, my darlings, you can see where we are going with this. Join me in making this year about becoming what we want to see? I sincerely hope you will. If you have ideas or stories you want to tell about your call to action, please leave your comments on the blog to share. My hometown friends inspired this blog. The way we have learned how to care for each other (and me) even when we are miles apart is nothing short of miraculous. This blog is in honor of them.

On a side note---the name of this blog is All Heart. I named it that because in the movie "Jerry McGuire", Cuba Gooding Jr.'s character yells, "I am all heart, M***** F*****!" Yes, it is very crude and slightly vulgar, but it describes me to tee. I personally, know that I am crude and slightly vulgar, but am ready and willing to put my money where my mouth is, whenever there is a chance to do a good deed.

Welcome to my first attempt to become something I would love to see in my future.