Our Adopted Man/Child

Our "adopted" man/child moved out yesterday. I felt sad.
We have had this young man in our lives because of his friendship with our son. He is a wonderful person, smart, clever, funny, easy going. He is the kind of person I gravitate to. He is well read, and speaks his mind in sarcasm, not the mean spirited sarcasm that hurts others, but rather using humor to diffuse even the worst situations, and he should know, he has seen many really bad circumstances in his young life.
I met him while he was in high school. He came from a single mother household. He was part and founder of the Dead Dad Club. It was a makeshift group of teens who had lost their fathers. He is one of the original members of The Circle of Trust. This boy/man is 21 now and has lived through a crisis that took the home he shared with his mother. Their house lost to foreclosure, like so many who find themselves homeless with nowhere to go, pushed him out. When Mike and I heard what was going on we decided he should live with us. His mother has suffered greatly during this whole ordeal, losing much of what they owned, trying desperately to make ends meet for herself, in order to bring her family back together. As I watched this, my heart broke for them. I am cognizant that "by the grace of God go I..."
The abject cruelty of losing everything you have worked for is galling to say the least. I have watched many homes in our area go into foreclosure, with all the sadness, unfairness, and hardship of starting life over, much the time while people are in the middle of their life expectancy. Watching the numbers on the news of the unemployed, foreclosures, and homeless is often times hard enough for me, but to see it first hand, well, I felt altered.
We were living in Apartmentistan when the news first hit that he and his mom would have to find somewhere to live. They had to pack boxes full of their lives entirety with no idea of where they were going and if there was room for any of it. The frantic nature of emptying out a house full of one's lifetime of memories and belongings is tough to go through. That much I had recent experience with, but having nowhere to go, nowhere to feel safe, to live as a family, well, I had no experience in that.
We knew when we got our "adopted" son, he was rental. He was on loan until his family could figure something out that was best for them. He signed up for college, an idea I pushed hard for to insure his future. He recently finished his first semester. He floated in and out of the house as if he were one of us, because to us, he was. All the while he was living here, he also tried to help his mom. She had found temporary housing in deplorable conditions, working as much as she could. She found herself being taken advantage of once more and being robbed of the few material things they had left. I watched our boy, hers and mine, heartbreak and worry in his eyes, peddle as fast as he could, helping in any way possible.
Recently, his family was able to find a home to live together, taking care of each other. He came to me and told me he was moving out. I teased him, smiling and said, "I can't be upset that your mom wants you back." I was lucky to have him as long as I did. I felt having him with us was a gift.
Yesterday, he packed up what would fit for now in their new place and came to find me. I looked at this man, this handsome, bright, caring young man and tried to keep the tears from filling my eyes. The last thing he needed was any sort of guilty mom thing from me. We hugged and I told him I loved him. It makes him uncomfortable to hear that, so I usually text it rather than say it, but this day I blurted it out. He and I have an understanding that he never has to say it back to me. I have no need to hear it since I feel it so much from him.
After he left the house, I prayed to his father that he might guide and protect our boy and his mom. I had prayed to Danny for years to help watch over our children. I believe heart and soul, he does what he can. This time I carefully introduced myself in my prayer to the man I had never met, asking now that he be with his son, seeing him through the next chapter of his life.
Single tears fell as the man/child drove away. He knows we are here if he ever needs us, but he is needed elsewhere now. The day he told me he was moving out, he told me he felt loved here. That is more than any "adopted" mom could ever ask for.