The Year In Review

So, I was thinking about all the things that have happened in the past year. I was remembering where we were this time last year, all of us scattered to the wind, peddling as fast as we could. I was feeling grateful that I could remember so much of what the year was like. So many of my first 28 years got lost after Betty was born. I still have large gaping holes from my youth. Jim, my best friend for the last 38 years, is often called upon to fill in my gaps, reminding me of all the things I can no longer recall. If he didn't bear witness, often all is lost. My friends, with love, tell me what my life was like when my mind fails me. With arms open and lots of patience, they gently remind me of facts, people and places that have remained buried deep within the dusty recesses of my brain.
This time last year, Mike and I were covered in drywall dust and mortar.We hadn't put the house on the market and giant questions without answers were all we had.
Our eldest son hit a rough patch that drove him back to us, he feeling failed and broken. I watched my son, as he came back to us thin, pale and feeling as if the whole world was against him. I saw him tonight, pink, happy, fuller in the face than he has been in years, newly employed, back in school.
Our eldest child graduated from college. She had spent time with us this past summer while we lived in Apartmentistan, squeezing every minute out of every day so she could earn the degree she has made so many sacrifices for.Now she works out of town, but plans to move home, but not for very long.
Our youngest boy made a mistake that now follows him around like a stray dog. He is fighting his way out of a mess he never saw coming.He is turning the corner to adulthood, seeing things no person his age should see, seeing things nobody of any age should really see, but with the support of his family he will get through.
Our youngest child, is in college after having graduated from high school. She passed her first semester while working, growing and figuring what is important to her as a person.
Our "adopted" son is moving out, with our blessings and the promise he will visit when he can.
Mike is getting prepared to face challenges in a new job. We watched the demise of the company he has worked for over 26 years. Hard choices had to be made in order to preserve all the sacrifices he has made over the last several decades. Once again we have an enormous amount of questions with very few answers.
Me, well, I recently started my own new job. A new column in a newspaper here in the place we call home. I am working on several books simultaneously due to my inordinate need to keep moving forward. "Moving forward", an ironic turn of phrase considering how many U Hauls were rented and how many times we packed and unpacked our entire lives.

I have always told my kids,"The only thing you can truly count on is change". Never in all of my years has that been as true as it is now.

I dread anyone who asks, "What have you been up to?" Immediately my head begins to swim as I fight to find some shred of a pat answer that will make that question go away. It isn't so much that I don't want to answer it, but rather because so much has happened I fear I may overwhelm them. I, myself, feel overwhelmed at the answer, so surely their head will explode.
We live in what Mike and I call the clown car. If the door is open, people come spilling out in every direction. As we continue to purge some of the 10 pounds of crap that we no longer want to stuff in our 5 pound bag, I find myself drifting further and further away from the life we had when the kids were young. It is bittersweet, this change our family is going through. The metamorphosis of our family is happening right before my eyes.It is like watching a nature special where the butterfly escapes the chrysalis, crawling out one leg at a time, expanding it's wings taking flight. There is wonder to it, but also a little sadness that process of growth is over.No longer is the butterfly dependent on it's cocoon to protect it.

2010 will go down as the year we were brought back together, if only for a short time. It will be seen as the year we all worked long hours, made many sacrifices, suffered many hurts and left our former selves behind us. It will be the year we lived in an apartment so small even the dogs couldn't turn around, sold the family home in exchange for the retirement home Mike and I are so hopeful we will get to keep.
2010 will be about the end of an era, the time when the our kids became our adults, Mike's company changed it's name and identity, my dream became a reality and our future began to look very different from the one we had imagined when we married a decade ago.

Christy came home one weekend and said,"My God, Mom, when did you and Mike get so old?" I looked at her 22 year old face, so shiny and young and sighed,"This year. We got old this year." I envisioned the road map of the past 12 months firmly imprinted on our faces. We laughed then, my girl and I.

A woman asked me, "So are you still?" I looked confused for a moment, eyes squinched, a perplexed expression on my face, "I'm sorry, am I still what?"
"Advancing Backward?" She smiled warmly at me. Laughing, I nodded and thought "My dear, you have no idea..."