The Four Temperaments

Have you ever hard of the saying a "tempest in a tea pot?" I sort of feel like that is what is going on with us, or should I say "temperaments in a tea pot". There is so much changing going on, so much transition, it is like a mini hurricane blowing around the house, knocking over furniture, swirling up around the ceiling causing the ceiling fans to sway hard in concentric circles and back again. I have gotten caught up observing the different relationships in the house, literally "people watching" in my own living room. Each personality having familiarity, but so individual at the same time. Michael and I laugh about slowly becoming one person. He gaining softer breasts, me growing a matching mustache, we figure at some point in the next 20 years no one will be able to tell us apart. While we continue on our married life transitioning into the couple that looks alike, the kids grow more and more and separated from us and each other, but with one caveat; the children all adults, in a manner of speaking, look alike and act so similar, they drive each other nuts.
Naturally they blame me for their quirkiness, their ill temper, and let's not forget about the things they like least about themselves and each other. Turns out my biggest parental crime was raising them alike, similar, so they have just enough in common to get on each others nerves. As I sat one afternoon observing the adult children in the house, I decided to research different personality types. As I read through the descriptions, I realized we were all four temperaments on any given day. Here are the definitions I found that describe the Four Temperaments:


Sanguine

The Sanguine temperament personality is fairly extroverted. People of a sanguine temperament tend to enjoy social gatherings, making new friends and tend to be quite loud. They are usually quite creative and often daydream. However, some alone time is crucial for those of this temperament. Sanguine can also mean very sensitive, compassionate and thoughtful. Sanguine personalities generally struggle with following tasks all the way through, are chronically late, and tend to be forgetful and sometimes a little sarcastic. Often, when pursuing a new hobby, interest is lost quickly when it ceases to be engaging or fun. They are very much people persons. They are talkative and not shy. For some people, these are the ones you want to be friends with and usually they become life long friends.



Choleric

A person who is choleric is a do-er. They have a lot of ambition, energy, and passion, and try to instill it in others. They can dominate people of other temperaments, especially phlegmatic types. Many great charismatic military and political figures were cholerics. They like to be leaders and in charge of everything.


Melancholic

A person who is a thoughtful ponderer has a melancholic disposition. Often very considerate and get rather worried when they could not be on time for events, melancholics can be highly creative in activities such as poetry and art - and can become occupied with the tragedy and cruelty in the world. A melancholic is also often a perfectionist. They are often self-reliant and independent; one negative part of being a melancholic is sometimes they can get so involved in what they are doing they forget to think of others.


Phlegmatic

Phlegmatics tend to be self-content and kind. They can be very accepting and affectionate. They may be very receptive and shy and often prefer stability to uncertainty and change. They are very consistent, relaxed, rational, curious, and observant, making them good administrators . However they can also be very passive and aggressive.



I could state the obvious and name each kid to each different temperament since we have an even numbered count on both sides. We'll go oldest to youngest:

Christy is definitely the Choleric. Spend five seconds with her and you immediately see the leader she is as the eldest child and a person who constantly seeks answers. She is knowledgeable, because she never stops learning. She is a teacher by personality, rather than profession. Her organization is astounding to most. She is alphabetized, color coded and professional at all times.

Dan is the melancholic. This is also a no brainer. My boy can crap on a sandwich faster than any kid I know. He will find the problem, even when you're are certain none exists. He is a thoughtful ponderer, wanting to talk softly about personal things, opinions and ideas. When he is engrossed in something, nothing can distract him, trust me, I have tried.

Tom is the Phlegmatic, easy going even temperament, relaxed and generally content. The bulk of his personality has been one of going with the flow, with occasional bouts of passive aggression if things turn out badly.

Betty is Sanguine. She is out going, popular, busy, busy busy. Betty is as social as they come. She joins all kinds of groups and is often out spoken, and generally happy.


Most people who know me and my family think Betty is most like me. I get why they see the outgoing side of my personality, since my shy introverted side is reserved for home. My melancholy days are something I keep to myself unless I write about them. No point being Debbie Downer, so it is a time for quiet for me. I see each of my kids in all the temperaments, as I see myself. Each day I get to bare witness to an ever evolving group, who in absolute discovery, are allowing themselves to break out of their original mold. I see so much of their father, me and Michael in them too. They are a conglomeration of all influences. Every day brings it's own unique challenges lately, more challenging than usual, that will show the other temperaments that my kids possess. I feel sort of lucky to be witness to my kids breaking the cohesive bonds that have pigeon holed them into the obvious cliche. Most parents send their kids off to college and have to re-introduce themselves after four years. Even with Christy who lived away for four years, I never felt shut out of witnessing her life in real terms. The passive/aggressive part of me says "sort of lucky" because it also means I get to watch the storms come in often times leaving a path of destruction in its wake.
I am not totally convinced of my comfort level being an observer in my house rather than the usual leader, but I feel to push past it might mean I miss something extraordinary. How often do parents get to watch, really see, their kids change right before their eyes? My usual mode is to look up and notice it is a year later and I didn't notice the time.
I had felt like I was accomplishing nothing, but suddenly this morning I realized what a gift I had been offered in what appeared to me to be mass chaos. Of course I can write this because for right now it's quiet and serene, you know, like the calm before the storm.