Hand Me My Shovel I Am Going In

As excited as I am about my upcoming book project, I confess that I have moments of weakness when I panic that after a week, it will all fall apart. In theory, on paper (as if anyone used paper anymore) this should all pan out. My mom used to say to me when I would get stage fright, "What's the worst thing that can happen?"
I would then proceed to list off an imaginary Armageddon scene that would cause her jaw to drop, eyes to widen and ultimately shake her head as she mumbled something about me being melodramatic. Who me, melodramatic? Nah, never happened.
I am a little nervous about this. The amount of writing I will have to do on a deadline is somewhat daunting. This is the only real hang up I have for now, is the amount of production it will take to keep this train on track. An editor, my editor, used to pull more out of me, just so when we whittled things down, there was enough work to edit. That's what editors do, they are pushy little people that extract as much blood out of a writer as possible. As a writer I would finish a chapter, send it off, only to have my editor ask me if I had more to offer. I felt like it was done, finished, she never agreed. My editor from my last book was in a word, wonderful. She wasn't cruel, mean, nasty, she was my own personal Jiminy Cricket. I wish she were a part of this, so I had someone pushing me in a nicer way than I ever handle myself. I tend to be a task master, berating my lack of creativity.
Because I write non-fiction, I have to do the archeological dig to find what is so interesting abut my little life. I spend hours pulling details out of a story. That is my only other big concern for this, is that I am able to keep up the pace while still digging half way to China if necessary to find the thread, the tiniest link between my life and what others live. The entire reason I write is to connect, create a bond between you and me. I want you to know I feel what you feel, I have lost what you have lost. Ultimately, my book should recognize that we all pee and bleed the same. This is the lesson I have instilled in my children, that no matter what someone is on the outside, no matter how they act, what they have done, what they committed, we all pee and bleed the same color and consistency.
The new book will have name changes this time. The last book taught me not everybody loves to be written about. Even this blog, it has come to my attention that some people, who shall remain nameless (I just made myself laugh), don't appreciate me using our stories as entertainment. I decided to rename the folks in my stories in order to spare them any embarrassment. Personally, I like being embarrassed in my writing. Public humiliation should be something of a concern, except some of my best stuff is me being a giant dork falling on my face either literally, or figuratively. For me this all about connection, so if I have to tell stories where I look like a complete moron, so be it. I don't clear stories with people I write about first. The stories are told from my perspective so I own them. Besides, if I allow everyone editorial rights, I would find myself not having anything to write about. I figure if the story remains unchanged, from my perspective, then naming someone something different will allow them to feel anonymous, and I still get to have my chapter. I have warned the family that I will be digging in going deeper into our archives. I will be revealing more of the details of our lives. I will be telling the story of us and where I came from, with all the nuances of each moment, paying great attention to the moments when we are least attractive, when we are caught off guard, when we have failed miserably. It was through some of my greatest failures, I learned the most. It is those visceral memories, the ones where they still take your breath away years later, those are the little gems that all of us have. We all have those moments that taught us to never do that again.
There are only 5 more days until this all begins. I still have some minor organizational tasks to do before June 1. I have been writing, writing more than I have in months, so as not to disappoint. I have told you I have my helmet on, now I have my shovel to do the digging, the only thing left is to find my flashlight, so I can go into the scary corners of my memory, making certain you get only my best work.
I have not considered what will determine if this project is a success or failure. Projecting an outcome is at the very bottom of my list, for now. For all the times I have searched for answers, this is one time when knowing the ending is not something I desire.
My intent for this is to be interesting, educational, entertaining and fun.
My writing has always been my form of cheap entertainment, and now I want it to be yours, too.