An Open Letter To My Mother

Dear Mom,
I never understood as a child, why you were so obsessed with good manners, to the point you carried extra hankies, told me to sit up straight non-stop, and reminded me to cross my legs. I was completely annoyed by the way you prodded me to say "please" and "thank you" before I ever got the chance. You drove me crazy with all your nagging about hygiene, clean rooms and homework. For every moment in my life either big or small, you stood behind me reminding me there was no excuse for sloppiness, bad manners or thoughtlessness...I thank you.
It wasn't until I had my own children did I fully understand the sacrifice. I would have eventually learned, but having kids in my 20's taught me that lesson even faster. When I became a mom, worrying, fretting over the smallest of things, is when the bulk of my "knowing" what you felt, took place.
I was thinking back to the days when I thought you had completely lost it, getting up everyday to do what I thought was nag me, when now I see, you were only taking care of the child you had brought into the world. You never had a day off of being my mom. You still don't get that luxury, yet there you are, having long retired from your employment, tirelessly doing your mom job until there is no time left between us.
There aren't enough numbers for the times I have called you, panicked, scared, elated, exhausted, celebratory, and just missing you. To say I have you on speed dial, is so obvious, so understated it is like saying the sun is hot.
There have been, and will continue to be, an insurmountable volume of times when I miss seeing your face, sitting next to you, having coffee in person, rather than long distance by phone.
Because I am a mom now, too,I know all the hard choices you have made on my behalf. I know every sleepless night you had, I know every heart break you felt, every moment of pure joy. I know, because you taught me to know better.
I am the person I am good and bad, because you brought me here, taught me what you knew and learned from what you could. The good news is, I believe you and I have done alright.
I have lived for the moments when I made you proud. I still wince at the times when I saw the horrified embarrassed look on your face when, well, when I did the exact opposite.
You taught me to cherish family, and now I do. You taught me to stand up for myself,and though it has sometimes been excruciating, I have. You taught me to be nice when what I was feeling was anger, despair or injustice, because you knew that sometimes it pays to wait until the dust settles.
I am writing you this, so you know for certain, I listened, I learned, and now I have taught your wisdom to my own children.
I know I say every time we talk, how much I love you, but this time I wanted to be sure it was in permanent ink. I love you, Mom. Thanks for giving me everything you had, every minute of your time, every loving thought you carried.
I wish for you a Mother's day full of happy memories, people who love you and cheesecake.