Edivacation - Travelling to Learn

I was thinking back to Mike and my trip to New Mexico. I loved it there, so scenic, so magical in all the colors that show themselves in the twilight. The picture is one I took of a sunset. We visited the Georgia O'Keeffe museum, while we were there. Her work is stunning, so smooth, colors fading one into another without any sign of transition. She was brazen, taking on the art world as a woman, doing what she wanted without thought of repercussion from the established art scene, made up primarily of men. I am always so awe stricken by strong women who don't give a rat's ass what others think about their lifestyle, work or decisions. I remember standing in front of photographs of her thinking I would give anything to be that independent, that certain about any of the decisions I have made.
As I was daydreaming about what courage it must have taken to be a woman in the 1920's living as an artist, traveling to where her heart took her, I was so aware of the shift in my life that I have been feeling. In the museum there were photographs her husband took of her, some in the nude. Women could not even vote back then. We, as women, had no rights. We were expected to marry, have babies and keep our houses clean. Miss O'Keeffe, married a divorced man, studied art, lived in and for nature, without being caught in the web of self imposed expectation, or convention. She was an individual, rather than a sexual stereotype. I wondered where she got the strength to do what she wanted, when she wanted, without the fear of social backlash. My daughter paints. Armed with one degree in art history, she is gearing up for her second degree in French and then on for her masters degree and possibly her doctorate. My child doesn't think of marriage, or children right now, even though so many friends of hers are getting married, having babies, starting families. We were out talking one night when she said wistfully, "Maybe one day I will do all that. I would like to think I will have a family in the future, but right now I can't see it." "Hmmm..." is my only response. I understand why she wants to wait. We as women still do so much heavy lifting when it comes to babies. There are lots of good fathers out in the world, but not many men who would put their careers on hold to stay at home with the kids. Whoever marries Christine will have his hands full. She is wicked smart, strong willed and emotionally accessible. Whoever wins her hand will have won the marriage lottery, but he will have to know how to allow her to fly.
Christine's artwork has always reminded me of Georgia O'Keeffe. The incredible depth of color, smooth lines and ability to see the tiniest shift in hue. I see other similarities as well. I see the inner strength, the fortitude of a power deep in her soul that pushes her to independence. I see where my child doesn't give a rat's ass about convention, either. She can be bold, brash, unsettling in her remarks. I try and let people who think she is still the shy child to buckle up if they want her opinion. She will tell you in an instant exactly what she thinks and walk away without giving it a second thought. Everyone we know says she is like me. I think sometimes that is because her father is no longer around to remind them how much like him she is, and she definitely is. I see him in her eyes, her nose, her hands. I see him in the way she lays in wait for someone to say something insulting to her, referencing her intelligence, just long enough for her to coil back and then strike. They never fully recover. As a snake with paralyzing venom, they sit shaking, unable to move. The family if around to bear witness, will slowly back out of the room shaking our heads. "Poor sap never saw it coming", we mumble so as not disturb the angry artist.
Christine in many has come right through me. I did not have the guts she has. I was more passive about things I probably shouldn't have been. I have let opportunities pass me by in order to keep the peace. It took me much longer to stand on my feet and feel as comfortable in my own skin. She is the best of her father and I. I wish so often he were around to witness how strong, how smart, and just how beautiful she is. Something in me tells me that he can see it all, far above where we are now. But I still wish he were here in flesh and blood to stand next to me awe struck by the woman that came from the baby we had.
For years I gave my strength to her, in order for her to grow and become an independent person. Lately, she has allowed me to borrow some of hers as I shift into my new role of not caring for children. When things get too difficult, too overwhelming she makes me laugh. Self deprecating, she uses herself as the punchline of her humor.
I have seen many of the places Georgia O'Keeffe traveled in order to be inspired, including Palo Duro Canyon, here in Texas. I have walked much the same path as Christine during her lifetime. The trail is out there if I choose to follow in the foot steps of the great women I have studied, including the one who lives with me. Maybe it's time for me to find my bravery , much like Piglet, who always felt like a "very small animal" and strike out on my own journey to discover something wonderful. If I do and somehow get stuck, I have Chrisitne's number on speed dial.