Eyes Wide Open

I remember exactly where I was when I was reading Elie Weseil's "Night". I think that is why I love books; the written word can have so much effect on me, the way they permeate my consciousness, the way the words can stick to me like tar.
I think I wrote because somewhere, even as a child I knew the effect of the words, the weight of them could change someone's thinking or at least stick to them, forever bonded to their memory, attaching themselves to a moment, time, or music. When I was in my teens, I lived by my radio and albums. Here is where I show my age when speaking about music, since albums are nearly extinct. These vinyl Frisbee's with whom I devoted much of my growing to. I lived to save my pennies, creating dollars that could be used to buy the plastic preservation of my youth.
I would play the newest music as I read the book of choice. This attached that particular artist to the writer's words. Either memory of events or music would cause the words in the pages to stay in my mind, forever stored in my memory bank, recalling the emotion I felt at the exact moment I felt them. David Bowie to this day stays permanently connected to a book I read when I was fourteen years old. If I hear the song "Changes" I am instantly transformed into a giggling teenager, reading in the house I grew up in, one sultry summer.
If I am reading a book during a particularly interesting event in my life, then the event is indelibly linked to the book, and the picture painted by the author. It was in this state of semi conscious attachment that I was reading "Night". I had jury duty, something I am less than fond of. With enormous trepidation I boarded a bus downtown to attend to my civic duty. I had learned that so many simply ignore the request by making excuses or not showing up for the chore they had been handed. Having neither a good reason or the will to get caught either by my guilty conscious or by court system, I did what I had to do, and went to the jury selection room waiting to seal my fate. It was during this time I read for hours, as I sat in the uncomfortable seats, watching occasionally to literally see if my number was up. A screen with traveling numbers just above an over sized abandoned desk ran numbers that had been assigned to all of us. Audible groans could be heard as large groups of citizens were called forward to serve. I continued my vigil, waiting and reading. I finished most of the book in the waiting room. What happened next, my being called up to "The Show" will appear in my next book. I was selected to serve on a jury, a moment that haunts me still. The experience taught me that my beliefs are not as nearly set in stone as I had once believed. In some ways I came out happy that I still had some flexibility in my thinking and was not becoming someone who would not be moved.
"Night" is about the Holocaust. Elie Weseil delivers a haunting account of being a survivor during a time in history when the abject cruelty, due to a delusional, hate filled ruler, is still so unfathomable, unthinkable, yet all too real for those who are forever marked with the assigned number tattooed on their arm. My jury number seemed ridiculous in the moments I was reading. There is nothing like a little perspective to make you forget how miserable you are.
Reading Elie Weseil's first hand account of the atrocities stuck to me. I was engrossed by the honesty in his words. I felt the terror, the guilt the extraordinary harshness of the dawning of the people who had ignored every single sign that it was coming towards them. That is the real subject of this blog. My ability to learn from his history, his hard earned wisdom when it comes to human nature. In "Night" Mr. Weseil tells the story not just of what happened to him and his family as Jewish people in the time of extermination, but greater than that for me was the reality that so many had ignored impending signs, symptoms that they were at risk. He writes of Jewish people not believing the stories of the horrors they were about to face. Denial in such deep, saturating existence kept them from thinking it could happen to them. In the book he writes so that we may learn from the pain of having done nothing for the sake of prevention of atrocities of man's inhumanity to man. While reading I felt the people's disbelief. I think I too, would have been short sighted, thinking it ridiculous that such terror, such unbelievable horror could happen as the world watched. Now, as a retired geriatric nurse, I have witnessed for myself the tattooed markings of the insane on innocent people who were tortured, exterminated in the name of world domination. I will never forget holding the hands of those who beared the numbers of being treated in such a hideous manner. I found myself apologizing to them, saying I was so very sorry they had to endure such pain. Even as I held them in my arms, soothing them, gently patting their marked arms I felt such disbelief. I could not comprehend even the notion of it. I just shuddered as I continue to write this. I guess some things never quite sink all the way in.
That was exactly Mr. Weseil's point. No matter how much evidence was right in front of people they could not get their minds to believe the unthinkable. This inability to see things, believe things, comprehend such heinous acts is part of the reason the Nazis were as successful as they were. Rational people could not wrap their minds around it.
In this time of unrest, I feel hopeful. I have decided to watch, act when necessary, but be mindful, present in the days events. It is an absolute truth that those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. I am present watching the world change right before my eyes. I will not live ignoring what my eyes, my ears, my heart tells me about what all is going on. I have seen inhumanity, so I assure you it exists, but I will not judge things out of hand either. I will not be a fatalist, when what I really need to be is a student. This is a great time of learning and action. People in this country are watching, they are acting out on what they believe, from both points of view, and some opinions in the middle. It has been our historical difference in the world that we do stand up and say what mean, meaning what we say. It is what makes our country so unique, so coveted by so many, is that thousands will come together to stand in unifying defiance of what they think is right. We are in an extraordinary time in our history. There will be sacrifices we will one day tell future generations about, there will be water shed moments of heart break and joy. In all of this I remain humbled that we are present in this moment of history. Things will change because of our mindfulness. We have learned from the mistakes of others. We believe in our country, the good of freedom, and the rights we hold in such reverence. God speed to you, in whatever you stand up for, just as long as we all remain on our feet. Peace to you, dear friends. Feel comforted that we have learned from history, even if it feels sometimes that our growth is so painful we may not bear it, take heart that at least it is growth. I am hopeful that we will learn now, so that we may teach as Mr. Weseil did, in order for our future generations to not face the pain many of us, all around the world are having to endure.