Do You Hear What I Hear? Nothing...

I am writing a little earlier tonight than I usually do. I have been almost silent all day. I did something I have been wanting to do for about 6 months, I put family pictures in frames and hung up all the frames to create a picture wall. It's actually something I have wanted to do since the kids were little. After we bought this house, I bought matching frames to hang pictures I love. Those frames sat in a corner of our bedroom for months, gathering dust, accomplishing none of the joy that I had originally intended. That's a funny thing about me, my intentions are almost always surrounding joy. I gave up the belief that "the road to hell was paved with good intentions" a long time ago. If I have no intention before I even start, then what is it I am heading toward? I figure, the very least I could do is intend to do good, intend on staying on the right side of things. The work certainly has to come after that, or it will sit and gather dust, just like my frames did.
I got every picture re-formatted to fit the frames of my good intention. Some copies came out less than perfect. When I hired an organizer to look at our small house, she told me I was a perfectionist. I thought that was the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard. Me,a perfectionist? I hired her to tame our mess. I thought an outsider would see the chaos immediately and start making calls to "Hoarders". Turns out, I am not as messy as I thought. We are a far cry from perfect, so because of my perfectionism, the organizer said, I tend to give up, feel overwhelmed. Yep, that sounds about right. I hate clutter, except at Christmas when I pull everything out. But if it ain't Christmas, it ain't welcome here. I despise cleaning around things, including people. Nothing gets me more fired up than having to ask someone to lift their feet while I vacuum. I am more likely to try and suck the socks right off their feet, than politely ask them to move.
Since I am out of the land of denial about my personality perfectionism trait, I decided I would be more productive getting something finished, even if it was flawed. I couldn't help but be fascinated by the fact that I am infinitely aware of how flawed I am as a human being, as I work everyday at forgiving my misgivings, but if it's the house, I go ballistic. That's a real thinker for me. I'll get back to you when I know what the hell that is all about.
Michael left a little earlier for work today but will be gone longer. I worked second shift for a long time, it has never been my favorite. It's not really his either, although he sleeps better when he is on it. I miss walking the dogs together, having dinner together, the small stuff. With us it's always been about the small stuff.
A package came today by UPS. They are hiding something from me. My birthday is in a couple of weeks, so it might be that. Or, just like my horse head, it might be something terrible they are afraid I'll freak over. Either way, Betty and Tom were scrambling to hide a box far from my view. Something tells me I am better off keeping my distance, lest my tongue leap from it's current cage.
I battled the bugs again today. Seems like I may be winning. Please don't tell Charlie Sheen I used his phrase. The last thing I need is to piss off Mr. Stability. The animals seem more peaceful and cats are eating again. Their food is laced with a flea killer , so I am hoping they don't notice. The oldest bratty cat, now 18, has a discerning palate. I keep telling him he is too old to be this picky.
I continue on my vigil. Slowly I am getting quieter and quieter, motioning rather than speaking, nodding or shaking rather than answering, and staying away from every gadget in the house. I haven't started the book I was sent yet, but Library Thursday is right around the corner, so when I take my books back, I can start this new one. I hate to start it now. I will feel like I am cheating on the library.
I have to work tomorrow in earnest, deadlines, ya know. I wear sound reduction head phones while I work now, so tomorrow I won't be able to hear or speak. I am one monkey away from being an old adage.