No Silence From the Lambs

Day 4-
Today was a bad day. Not an earth shattering "Oh My God!" day, yet a bad day none the less. It started off pretty good with a hair appointment with my beloved Genell. The very same pebble in my pond I wrote about a couple of years ago. I went in, got treated like a queen, was coiffed, coddled and cherished. I got home to oohs and ahhs from Michael before he went off to work. So far so good.
Then the car, the only car for 4 people was being fought over. Schedule changes prevented me from running the errands I needed to run, and children too old to be doing this started fighting over theft of food and time using MY car. Originally I tried not to get involved, but escalating sound and profanity made me get up taking action. As I tried to unravel the overblown, ridiculous fighting I couldn't help but think how stupid it all was. Then this came out of my unbound mouth: "If you don't like sharing, being decent to one another, or living in this house, then by all means start exploring other options! YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LIVE HERE AND WE DON'T HAVE TO LET YOU!"
There it was, all the emotions I have been shoving into my silence splayed out before the children. They are not in high school anymore. I did raise them to be better. It seemed to me they opted out. I love my kids, but all this unnecessary squabbling about things that don't even belong to them is out of control.
I know I should feel some remorse and I do, but only that I felt driven to say what I had been thinking out loud. This is Mike and my house. They are guests because they are grown. I know they are only in college, but it is no excuse for bad behavior. The youngest boy is exempt from today's fight, but unfortunately it is today's fight only. As I look at the brood who seems like they were raised by wolves, I wonder where the sacrifice is for them. Working and paying your bills after the age of 18 is your job, not some bonus to ease a parent's burden. Mike and I never get a shiny, gold star for paying the electric bill, or keeping the insurance up to date. I needed to go grocery shopping this morning, something I had to give up in order for the others to use my car, and yet they will be the first to complain about the lack of food.
I went back to quiet after most of them left. The boy who is not currently in trouble is still here and avoiding me like the plague. I don't blame him. My whole day got thrown off, and all the others could do was think about how it effected them.
Quite frankly, I am disgusted by this behavior. There is no excuse to be that selfish, no matter the age, which ironically they were never that selfish as small children. As a tight group they always made sure everybody got equal parts.
The heart in me knows this will pass. The roommate in me wants to evict them. They are not very nice or helpful around our house.
Tomorrow is Good Friday, a day in which I always spend much of it in prayer. It is a day of reverence for me. When the church bells go silent on Friday until Easter, I spend much of the day getting my heart ready for my least favorite holiday. I have to be honest here, how we got bunnies, pastels and eggs out of a Savior being tortured and dying is beyond me. For me this time of year is solemn, a reminder of man's inhumanity to man. I know how it ends, without seeing the movie, but I do get kinda stuck on how it all snow balled into a tragedy first. Maybe that is why my kid's being mean to each other bugs me so much now. Things do snowball out of control, entire avalanches can begin with a single small rippling movement or sound.
Here in Texas our entire landscape is changing because of fires. One of the most beautiful state parks we have is now smoldering ash. It took nothing to start the fire, with the current drought situation, a single match could make the entire state go up in flames. For me that is really what Easter is about, singular acts, Ponces Pilot, Judas Iscariot, and ultimately Christ himself as He allowed the atrocity to take place in order to save the people, the world He loved. For Christians, a few singular acts changed the world.
So, the lesson for me today is not a bright shiny happy one, but maybe one of he most important ones I have learned to date; it takes next to nothing to change your world and the people in it. We all sort of have the ability to create heaven and hell right here on earth. Our intention, whether in selfishness or selflessness, will be the determining factor in how we live, with whom we live and what legacy we leave behind.
Tomorrow I will not write anything. It is day for me and God. I will fast, pray, take the day seriously, because as a Christian, I promised I would recognize at least once a year what sacrifices were made on my behalf. I will be peaceful, because I really do know how the story ends. As far as my kids, well, the jury is still out. One thing I know for sure, is they are healthy and we are together so they have the ability to take everything for granted. But God forbid, something really big happen to anyone in this family, they would deliver like Dominos.
Maybe that is why I have the opportunity to be so peaceful tomorrow, because when push comes to shove, it all works out in the end.